So Lost Without You
by dreamcatcher-022
Summary: (SLASH!) Songfic. Stan and Kyle work through the kinks of a horrible breakup... {COMPLETE}
1. All Out Of Love

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN SOUTH PARK OR ITS CHARACTERS, NOR DO I OWN COMEDY CENTRAL OR THE CREATORS OF SOUTH PARK, MATT AND TREY

AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS IS A SLASH, SONG FIC. IF YOU DON'T LIKE SLASH, OR SONG FICS, THEN DON'T READ AND DON'T REVIEW. OTHERWISE, PLEASE READ AHEAD. OF COURSE, ANY KIND OF CRITISCIM IS WELCOME, EVEN FLAMERS AND DISSERS. ANYTHING TO HELP ME IMPROVE MY WRITING SKILLS.

AIR SUPPLY'S LYRICS TO: _  
ALL OUT OF LOVE_  
_  
I'm lying alone with my head on the phone._ _  
Thinking of you til it hurts_

Stan Marsh stared at the phone in his hands, wishing he had enough guts to call him to tell him how extremely sorry he was. This was the game Stan played day in and day out. Every time he summoned up enough guts to call him, he'd chicken out. He missed him so badly that it hurt. They've been apart for what seemed like months, when in fact, it had only been several weeks. He could just go over to his lover's house, but he feared the slamming of the door in his face. He wanted nothing more than to take him in his arms and kiss him like he's never been kissed before.

_I know you hurt too, but what else can we do  
Tormented and torn apart  
I wish I could carry your smile in my heart  
For times when my life seems so low_  
  
Kyle Broflovski just sat there on his bed and sobbed, refusing to believe that it was truly over. It had only been 4 ½ weeks since they'd been separated, but for him, it had seemed like an eternity. Stan had been his whole life. He fingered the friendship bracelet Stan had given him soon after Kyle had given Stan his. He didn't know why he still wore it. He guessed it was the last shred of hope that Stan would come to him and want him back. Kyle didn't know if he was ready for that yet. Oh God, he was so screwed up. He could feel his whole body growing numb. His heart was breaking and he didn't know if he could ever feel again.  
  
_It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring  
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know _  
  
Kyle didn't think he'd be able to go on living. What was the use of his life if Stan wasn't in it? _  
  
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you  
I know you were right believing for so long  
I'm all out of love, what am I without you  
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong_  
  
Stan tossed the phone aside in disgust; he didn't even remember why they broke up in the first place. He thought it was because Kyle had started to become too clingy and needy. Or maybe it was because Stan saw Kyle with his arm around his ex one day. Stan had been completely crushed when he came upon them. He didn't give Kyle a chance to explain himself. He had just taken off. A terrible fight had ensued the same night. Stan still wouldn't give Kyle an inch to give an explanation as to why he was with his former boyfriend, Kenny. Both boys had gone home in emotional pain and refused to talk to each other again. He wished he could take back every hurtful thing he said and did. Kyle meant more to him than anything in the world. He was such an idiot for letting him go. He realized that now. Kenny may have had Kyle once, but he was no match for Stan Marsh. He could give Kyle the love and happiness twice over that Kenny had given him.  
  
He looked down at the friendship bracelet Kyle had given him about a year ago, back when they first started going out. Since neither boy could afford engagement rings or nice necklaces, they'd made each other friendship bracelets instead. The bracelet, made out of 6 different colors of yarn, was a symbol of everlasting love and affection from Kyle. It may sound corny, but it meant a lot more than any ring or necklace. One little misunderstanding wasn't worth throwing away a lifetime of best friendship away, was it? Stan made up his mind to talk to Kyle. _  
  
I want you to come back and carry me home  
Away from these long lonely nights_  
  
Every night that Kyle laid restlessly in bed, his thoughts had lazily drifted to Stan and imagined being with him. He dreamt that his best friend and lover was right there, holding him, comforting him. It all seemed so real, that when he woke up the next morning, he was very disappointed to learn it had all been just a dream. _  
  
What would you say if I called on you now  
And said that I can't hold on  
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day  
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone_  
  
Kyle dejectedly made his way into the kitchen and took out the sharpest knife that was in the silverware drawer. He laid it on the counter and contemplated it for a minute. If he couldn't have Stan, then most certainly Stan could live without him. He'd let his pain and suffering gone on long enough. It was time to end this. He reached for the phone and dialed ex boyfriend number two's number. It was now or never. He had to let Stan know how he was feeling. He had to let him know before he left this cruel world. Kyle wanted to cause him pain the way Stan did to him.  
  
"Hello?" Stan answered. Kyle could hear the tremor in his voice. "Stan? I'm so glad I caught you at home." Kyle fiddled with the knife's blade, running his trembling fingers along the smooth surface.  
  
"Kyle, I was just about to call you. You don't know how many times I've come so close."  
  
"We need to talk." Kyle stated bluntly. Kyle could almost see him nodding on the other end.  
  
"Sure, anything you want. Is now a good time?" Stan tried to keep the eagerness out of his voice.  
  
"Yeah, and listen. You might find a surprise when you get here," Kyle said.  
  
"Surprise? What do you mean?" Stan asked nervously. Kyle certainly didn't mean what he thought he meant.  
  
"You better hurry, Stan. I don't know how much more my heart can take."  
  
Stan almost dropped the phone, he was so startled. "Just don't do anything rash, Kyle. Please. Not before we've had the chance to talk this through." He begged.  
  
"I'll be waiting." Click.  
  
Stan quickly hung up and flew like the wind out the front door, almost tripping over his own feet. He didn't bother with his bike or car; he just ran all the way to Kyle's, praying to God he would make it in time.  
  



	2. The Reason

**HOOBASTANK'S LYRICS TO:**

**THE REASON**

_I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning_

By the time Stan reached Kyle's house, he thought his lungs would burst. He didn't bother knocking. He let himself in and closed the door. He just stood there in the living room. He took small, cautious steps forward, searching for the object of his desire.

"Stan." Kyle spoke. He stepped out of the shadows of the darkened kitchen, clutching the knife in his right hand. Stan noticed this and his widened his eyes in horror.

"Kyle, can you put the knife down so we can talk?" Stan asked hesitantly. He didn't want to say anything that might upset his already unstable friend.

___I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know_

"Why? Just so I can be rejected again? You never gave me a chance to explain about Kenny, Stan. All of this could've been avoided with one, simple explanation." Kyle's pain was all too evident. Stan knew he was right. He didn't know why he never let Kyle explain.

Kyle fell to his knees and let out a strangled sob. His fingers loosened the grip on the knife and it cluttered harmlessly onto the carpet. Stan's heart went out to him. He felt his eyes well up with tears. He hated that he did this to Kyle.

___I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is You_

Stan rushed to his side and gathered him in his arms. He picked up the knife and tossed it away from them, a good few feet into the kitchen. Kyle wouldn't need it anymore because Stan was there for him. "Oh Kyle. I'm so very sorry," Stan's voice cracked. "It doesn't matter anymore that you were with Kenny. All that matters is I'm here now and everything's going to be ok." He rocked both of them back and forth, caressing Kyle's reddish mass of curls. Kyle had always hated his hair, but Stan always told him that's what made him so cute.

___I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear_

"I was only trying to comfort Kenny. He had a really bad fight with his dad that day. There was nothing going on between us, Stan. I swear to you on my life." Kyle's voice was muffled as he pressed his tear-streaked face into Stan's chest. It felt so good to have Stan's arm's around him again.

"I know hon. You were just being the way you always are. That's what I love about you. When other people are hurting, you're there for them, unlike me, who just walks away. I should've realized that from the beginning. I don't know why I turned my back on you. I guess I was feeling insecure about myself, about us."

Kyle pulled away so he could look into Stan's eyes. "If you were having doubts about us, you should've told me," Stan saw the hurt in his eyes. Kyle's lower lip quivered. Stan gently reached up and wiped the tears from his face. He rested his forehead on Kyle's. "I know, I know. Can you ever forgive me?"

___I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is You_

Kyle smiled through his tears. "I'll try. Does this mean we're back together?" He asked. "If you want us to be, then we are." Stan replied. "Can we take things slow for now? I – I just need some time," Kyle whispered. Stan's eyes shined with tears. "I think we both need some time to take it slow." He couldn't believe how close he came to losing his best friend to suicide, and basically all over nothing.

Stan softly brushed his lips against Kyle's. "God, I missed kissing you, Stan," Kyle murmured. He tightened his grip on Stan. "Stan, will you – will you stay with me tonight, please?" Kyle whispered. "I can't bear the thought of being alone again."

Stan cupped Kyle's face in his hands and kissed him again. The kiss was long and tender. They parted, breathing heavily. Stan helped Kyle to his feet and led the other boy up to his room.

___I'm not a perfect person  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know_

He quietly shut the door behind them and the two sat on Kyle's bed, where they took their shoes and socks off but kept the rest of their clothes on. They continued where they left off downstairs. They cuddled and whispered sweet nothings into each other's ears.

They vowed their eternal love for each other and basically planned their future together. Of course, they kissed and petted in between words, but nothing meant more to Kyle than Stan and this very moment. They made love at one point, with Kyle being the instigator and Stan, the receiver.

When Kyle woke the next morning, he discovered Stan to be gone. This left him with a heavy heart, just like all those other times when he spent those awfully long and lonely nights alone, but that was before he saw the note on his nightstand. He picked it up and after he read it, the tears flowed once again, but this time they were tears of contentment, because Stan's note read:

___Dear Kyle, _

___I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know  
A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you_

___I love you, Stan_


End file.
